Sexually speaking, what is/isn’t a married couple allowed to do?

Sex is an intimate act and requires vulnerability. Therefore the bedroom must be a safe place for both husband and wife. It must be a safe place to express and discuss desires and fantasies but it must equally be a safe place for one to say “no” or “not yet”. You should only do what your spouse is comfortable doing. If they say “no” to a particular act or fantasy you need to be a big enough man or woman to respect and honour that persons “no”. When it comes to sex it is important to have healthy, honest and open communication with each other about it.

The bottom line is don’t do anything illegal. Don’t do anything that will demean or degrade your spouse. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial (1 Corinthians 6:12). Don’t do anything that will take you away from being Godly. The Bible is very clear on what constitutes a marriage. It is between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others, therefore anything outside of this boundary is ungodly.

If one partner says no to something, it is important to trust each other enough that you won’t live in fear that they will run off and try and get it somewhere else. Trust and open and honest communication in the bedroom is essential. Remember, in all things you have an enemy who is out to destroy your marriage at whatever opportunity he can get. If you allow offence, fear or poor communication to come between you and your spouse you can make your marriage very vulnerable. As we say here at Hillsong, strong marriages build strong churches. If the enemy doesn’t want a strong church then he will certainly attack marriages. Healthy, open and honest communication will strengthen your marriage against his attacks.

Terry & Julie Scott