The other day I was pondering the thought of what is the biggest issue amongst family and marriages. I decided to ask a pastor his opinion about what he believed the biggest issue to be. His answer was simply, insecurity. As I started to think about what seemed to be a simple answer, I started to realise how big this issue really is. Insecurity does lead to so many deep problems within families and marriages because of an individual’s fear. When someone begins to feel insecure, they start to be affected in areas of life that are not only a physical and mental battle but also a spiritual one.

The truth is, when we walk with Jesus, we have his perfect love that casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). This doesn’t just refer to the fears such as phobias of spiders or snakes. I believe that it also includes the fears of divorce, separation, the fear of fighting with the ones closest to you or the fear of people you love leaving you. In a world where there are constant insecurities brought into our world and our homes, it is so easy to fall into the human thinking of fear and insecurity. When someone is secure, they bring a sense of security to everything they do and everything they are a part of including their marriage and family. The converse is true. Let’s consider a child’s perspective. If they’re raised in an insecure home, they will adopt the culture of insecurity within themselves which will then develop in all areas of their life unless they learn how to be secure. Suppose a child sees an insecure marriage and never experiences a secure one. How will they behave when they are old enough to have one of their own? They will either realise how insecure they are in themselves and then have to go through the process of building a healthy security or they themselves will fall into the pattern of an insecure marriage that they then carry into their family.

So then what can be done? The good news is that by God’s grace, we can change. We need to not only read His Word, but allow ourselves to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Instead of living out of our human thinking that can lead to our insecurities, we need to think Godly and biblical thoughts. The way to overcome is to get the truth in ourselves and then walk in the truth (3 John 3). His word says that if we abide in His word, then we are His disciples. We know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31-32). This doesn’t mean that it is always easy, but we can trust God and know that He has good plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).

Therefore, in our relationships, let’s not allow natural issues like fear and insecurities to be our focus. Instead, let’s choose to allow God’s word and truth be our focus so we can overcome the personal insecurities and fears that are robbing our marriages:

1) FIND God’s word for your fear and issue

2) FOCUS your thoughts and beliefs on what God says

3) FOLLOW and walk in what He says.